in portland oregon, as elsewhere, non profits compete to fund big idea projects. it isn’t dissimilar to artists competing for commissions from corporations. the egos involved are prickly.
two men want to fund a 60 million dollar shelter in the pearl district.
ecotrust has a 15 million warehouse in the pearl district that has a large freezer in it to store farmer’s meat so that it can be transported to other businesses.
many in portland oregon, are not able to afford the rent and have left to live elsewhere or are homeless.
a short homeless man approached me in downtown portland.
i’m from vietnam, he said.
yeah, i said.
i’m vietnamese, he said.
okay, i said.
you get me food at the market, he said.
i can do that, i said.
we entered a deli. i bought him a pack of cigarettes and a juice.
if i get this. you leave me alone, i said.
yes, yes yes, he said. i leave you alone.
good, i said.
i give people money to leave me alone. they come to me for it. it reminds me of what my family does with me.
he couldn’t help not following me out of the store and around the corner but stopped when i gave him a look. he went where he had to be. i liked him.
amanda’s body was white grey in the moonlight. she had her palm outward on a migraine. her eyelids were relaxed. i felt her eyes not looking at anything. i lowered myself on her chest. i felt like a woman when i kissed her. i have felt like a woman many times with her and it feels good. when i talk to her about it she doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t reject it. i appeased her migraine. i wanted her to be at ease. she kissed me when she felt like it. she turned away from me when she felt like it. i felt like i was in mourning.

i like to see folks when i have finished my meal and lived out my usefulness. i don’t like to talk to them. i don’t have anything to add to them. they don’t have anything to add to me. they walk one way. then, they walk back the way they came.

we barely see him. the fey white non profit visionary. is he close to the earth? he is going to save the black, the brown, the white, the red, and the yellow. we see the non- profit visionary. he was chosen when he began his career by another white man like himself, but older and more experienced at fundraising. he is part of the fundraising machine. it is self sufficient. it has meetings upon meetings that rise to the heavens. it has boardrooms, teams meeting with teams, and managers managed by managers. it takes the homeless. it puts them up. it gives the food systems access to the poor and the rich alike. it collects american landscapes and gives them to the white men to erect vacation homes.