he was talking about not thinking and killing himself because of it and not killing himself because he is empty and how can he give himself to death when he has nothing to give. he stands with two canes. he had a bad fall when he went hiking in forest park. he has two nurses and two assistants. he rifles the magazines that list the prices of his work. he likes to think what they think until he feels like he wants to have two hard boiled eggs and a coffee. his eighty year old head looks like a smooth young boys face. i have nothing to say about it. it has nothing to say to me. it is like ice and the smell of burning hair. i first saw it long ago when i saw it from a distance and at the threshold. it is like a glance. it has many chapters i have reread. i don’t remember his face later when i look at my face in the mirror that looks wider than it used to be and looks like his because i obsess over its dominance. he doesn’t want to talk about the past and he is always talking about it with his hands that look like dwarf stars.

we see him with the same woman we have seen him with on his walks over the bridge to downtown where the chinese and the homeless live. she has her revenge with him. she punishes anyone who reminds her of herself before she was with him. this very tall woman looks like him. he is six foot tall. when they walk their heads are at the same level. she has his round blue eyes and his woolly blond hair. she has a beard like a witch. she tells him he is powerful and that he will be even more powerful. she forgot to tell him he is powerful for the past week. he has no sense of urgency. he doesn’t focus on his work. no one knows exactly what he does. it is a mystery. he himself isn’t convinced what he does is work. it is a disease. she has been telling him she is going to kill herself if he doesn’t give her money, when he gives her money she says she isn’t depressed. she wants him to use her for sex. he doesn’t want to expend himself. sex is convulsive for him. she won’t kill herself because of her two children. she feels guilty that the thought of not killing herself for her children doesn’t keep her from not thinking about killing herself. she can’t help but think that her children would be better off if she killed herself. she wants to fuck not to think about children with a sick mother. all she does is think about fucking and killing herself. he doesn’t care to have sex with her.  he wants to know her thought and breath and for her to tell him how great he is. he likes fighting her for supremacy. he has to be careful not to beat her in their contest because if he does he feels like a monster and she is glum and unresponsive.