Untitled(I’m living on a planet without wind.)
UncategorizedThe young black man reads a comic novel. The comely white woman talks to a client. She has on white shoes with thick soles. He talks on his smart phone.
We don’t know who is on the other end. He seems unlucky. This is the second time
he has asked for work. She said he should leave his number.
A young Asian woman with thick thighs looks at a shirt on a rack. The loser brother is here. He vexes me. He reminds me of myself when I’m dumb and helpless. We avoid each other. I yearn for elsewhere. He manages himself. He never looks my way. He blocks my vision. I rarely see the elegant brother. He is working on projects and at meetings.
The dude with the brown winter hat in June lingers and chews on rye bread. She has an image of chuck close on her t-shirt. She is twenty two and has her hair in a braid. I think she is beautiful and dear. She limps. She injured her right foot. The crutch is behind the rack of clothing subsumed by a yellow jacket. The inelegant brother has on a blue hat and a black t-shirt. His brown beard blocks my vision. An woman with a large nose and black hair gives the loser brother love. He is surrounded by women. The successful brother surrounds himself with mostly men.
I’m weaker when I’m with F. She knows how to use my poor self esteem so I want be fucked by her and to give her what nature gave me. She lowers a breast under my nose. I inhale and suck. She tells me to go to the room. There is no sheet on the mattress. There hasn’t been one for a year. I forgets what is next. I remember what is next and what comes after what is next and what comes after that.
My father has an omniscient smile. We are in the twilight. He piss blows leeward.
What came before? There’s the image of my father pissing in the wind. I don’t remember what came before. I don’t feel anything. I have been walking around not thinking or feeling for two days. I’m living on a planet without wind. It scares me. I need a problem to solve. F tells me not to talk to her about psychology in the workplace. If I don’t have a source she refuses to listen. I avoid the public library. The books are as unseemly as the lost souls there. A black man told me to get in real close to someone with a knife so they can’t use it.
I have an experience. I can reflect. I learn from my mistakes. F doesn’t accept my experience. F wants the name of a reputable source. I’d give her a source but I don’t remember what came before. The past is murky.
Nike sneakers is next. The sky blue ones. The handsome sky blue Nike sneakers. They are as perfect as the white vans. They are America, the greatest country in the world. What came before Hollywood? What came before Nike? I can’t wait to wear the sky blue Nike sneakers.
My father has an omniscient smile on his face. He is turned to the trees and the blackness. His piss blows leeward.
I reason not to fear. I have nothing to fear because they still know who I am.
Life is arbitrary. People will treat me like shit and I will blame myself for it.