i threatened a thick hick with stellar blue eyes and reddish blond hair, he looked like he had a black leather hood on with a zipper mouth hole, not to tell me to close the door.     don’t you fucking tell me to close the door, i said.
i left not having closed the door behind me.
i ordered noodles, sea food and vegetables. i opened the door that led to the hallway and the bathroom. i had to take a shit. i felt a severe pressure in my anus. last week i had the same pressure and i had to pull down my skinny grey jeans to my white vans to shit beside a bush. the bathroom was past the kitchen. i was worried the chinese would abduct me. i wasn’t sure i would have wifi reception. i see images of the ordinary citizen not unlike myself lost to loved ones. i think they want to disappear and they find someone to do it for them. sometimes, it’s the willamette river that takes them. they live it internally, the death they will have.i saw a shiny fluxus book on sound in the comic bookstore. it had diagrams in it but no actual music. a chinese man snorted and choked on phlegm.
i read the first pages of a penguin edition thoreau.
thoreau snowed in, his semen on the cabin floor, daydreams about purity and healthy men.
thoreau a serial rapist and vegetarian takes unsuspecting indians and white men on hikes to search for berries in crevasses. they are never seen again.
in reading thoreau i understand that we are visitors in nature.