j didn’t shave. u kept smiling to herself like an idiot. the red head put on new music
four japanese women domestics talk in japanese. one has on a kimono.
u has been reading. she never used to read. she has been reading the books from my library. i feel blessed. i have never known anyone who has read the novels short stories and poem that i love.  u tells me what happens in a novel. currently she is reading a novel about an isolated masochist who teaches an orphan how to cope with shitting in his pants. some times of the day it can be very hard for u to tell herself what she read, especially when she feels dizzy and doesn’t know where she is. she has been piling up illegal firearms. she is worried the fbi has been listening in on her phone conversations. she thinks mexicans have been following her when she drives.  she thinks about her strained relationship with her sisters. u used to take naked photos of her them. they have been ignoring her. she thinks she should have killed them when she had the chance. they were jealous of her and she was jealous of them. what are these japanese women laughing about?, u thought. she can see them but not squarely. are they talking about their masters? do they miss japan? they have large healthy teeth. she invited the four japanese women domestics to her small apartment. she tied them up to each other by their wrists with thick rope. she punched one of them in the mouth and in the eye. the other three women laughed, screamed and covered their faces with rope. she didn’t know their names. she asked them what they were called. they had american names; susan, marlene, jenny, and amanda. u was disappointed by the typical names. she had hoped they weren’t american.
i was a sick fuck, u said. i am a sick fuck. my grandmother was a sick fucker. she was the one who said i should take photos of my sisters.
you’re a sick fucker the four japanese women said. you fucked your granny.
i did no such thing. u said. grandmother was too old and weak. she loved me. she was the only one who loved me. my parents were losers. i had a japanese friend in second grade. we wanted to take over the world and blow up the school and to have hostages to torture.
we don’t believe you, the four domestics said. you’re a sick fucker. you’re a sick fucker.
yeah, u said. i’m a sick fucker.
yeah, you are fucker, the four domestics said. they were ecstatic and bounced into each other. when one fell the other three fell as well. it took awhile for the three japanese women to get to on their feet when the fourth japanese woman was on her feet.
u thought jenny was very pretty. she had thick brows and a large mouth with healthy white teeth. she saw them when jenny smiled and talked to the three other japanese women. u had three bad molars that needed to be pulled. then she would finally get the braces she needed and have straight white teeth like jenny. u had a small penis and large balls. jenny sucked and choked on them while the three japanese women got tangled in the rope. u lost her perspective. she thought jenny would leave her because she had been mean. u read a book she had stolen from a hotel in hawaii she thought was written in chinese about buddha. it said that everyone was greedy and that if they followed the way they wouldn’t be greedy. grief is part of life, u thought. it makes some more crazy than others. u knew a public servant who tormented her with her sorrow and lust. she sold her her late husband’s toyota truck so that she could take her downtown every morning to see a therapist she thought wanted to seduce her and to the forest late evening to hike. the four women helped marlene take the two pills she needed for high blood sugar. marlene’s knees were swelling. u kissed them to make them better. marlene kept pushing her head back. u sucked on her knees and began to moan. marlene pulled u’s hair. tears came from u’s eyes. marlene kept her knees closed. amanda got part of the rope around u’s neck. u came and blacked out for ten seconds. the four japanese domestics danced in blouses and underwear counterclockwise. they sang Girl Friend In A Coma: Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s serious
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s really serious
There were times
When I could
Have ‘murdered’ her
(but, you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
NO, I DON’T WANT TO SEE HER
Do you really think
She’ll pull through?
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s serious
There were times when I could
Have ‘strangled’ her
(but, you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
WOULD YOU PLEASE
LET ME SEE HER!
Do you really think
She’ll pull through?
Let me whisper my last goodbyes

I know – IT’S SERIOUS