i was looking to see if i could feel me. i was inside my new home. i saw what looked like a frame. i didn’t want to  use the language i use to think. i thought in dutch. i feel in dutch. i speak the dutch words: vader(father) moeder(mother) ik heb honger(i’m hungry) donker(darkness) nacht(night)gevaar(danger) vuur(fire) tanden(teeth) toestandt(situation)oorlog(war).i thought about the sexually questionable. i thought it better not to cross lines when i was waiting for myself to make a mistake. i took my dog to the dog run. i set it loose on my dog. the dogs were separated. i stuck my finger in my mouth and yanked it. i screamed. i  hurt myself purposely but not badly. i made innuendoes about my father to myself as if i was talking to someone else. i said he was a baby killer. i was offended. i said it because my father is a baby killer and i thought i would benefit from my insight. my canine wasn’t hurt. i have seen some nasty bites
when two seemingly benign dogs went at it.  i gave my canine a treat.
i was on you tube viewing a video on how a camera and an iphone can be set to coalesce. i had tuna and mayo. i made it myself. it is what i eat mid day.
it keeps me going until five. it gets dark at five. the pacific northwest blackness presses in, tribes of brooding lapsed men on burnside loiter and devolve near the big pink building. nsa satellites collect meta data.

when i went out to the bar my wife asked me where i went. i said i didn’t go to where she thought i went. she was convinced i went to the bar where the women dance. i wasn’t convinced of her surety. i went out to get a meal at whole foods. i suspected  her brother who sleeps in a van not far from where  we live drove by whole food to see if i was there. it was the only way that my wife would be convinced i went there. i didn’t like the idea of being spied on. i could see i wouldn’t be able to crack the code of my wife’s and my brother in law’s understanding. the brother in law has his belongings in our basement. after he got divorced from his wife he wrote on his blog about how he didn’t care for material things. what he cares about is being in nature. i respect his commitment to the outdoors but i feel that it’s easy not to care about your belongings when you leave them at your sister’s home. the brother in law said he sold his gun. i feel that the gun is still in one of my wife’s brother in laws boxes. i like my brother in law. i don’t like the idea of a gun in the basement. the brother in law got stuck on mount hood and had to be taken down the mountain by a  rescue team. i was happy he hadn’t died alone on the mountain. the brother in law said he wasn’t scared. i didn’t like that my brother in law was in a near death situation and wasn’t scared for his life.