i’m thinking about v and not caring about much else.
v travels for weeks in bumpy weather.
v has asthma. she smokes american spirit.  she gets birth control pills in the mail. i walk to my pharmacy to get what i need. i’ll take her when i’m ready or when i have to.     v is going to sprout freckles when she goes to new zealand. her breasts were larger than they were last week because she has her period.
what can i do to please you sexually, v said. i don’t want it to be one sided.
i wanted to kiss her fifteen times in the first fifteen minutes of our conversation. one kiss every minute.
touch me how you want so that i can see you, i said. don’t hide.
sometimes my emotional need dominates my sexual need and i can’t do two needs at the same time.
v is lonely when she wants to share something and she doesn’t have anyone to share it with.
v used to travel when she was in her early twenties. now she travels with friends.
she used to live alone. she lives with five roommates to save money.
when v is alone in a room babies walk on the walls and the floor.
they blatherer to her about ibuprofin heroin lumber sexuals serial killers suicide arson incontinence pedophiles incest gambling chance nihilism hunger anger…
some of the babies have a suicide vest on instead of wings.
the lumber sexual has a beard, a preened moustache and pomade.
i find that it’s the women that push for the men to look like a lumber sexual, v said.
there are as many lumber sexual as there are babies with suicide vests.
they simulate rock climbing in gyms and dream of arson. they sodomize metro sexuals.
nanny 4 collects the babies from v’s room. they have to be entered into a database. baby 1 is a terrorist from lithuania. baby 2 is a pale faced terrorist from germany. baby 3 is green terrorist from the netherlands, baby 4 is a black terrorist with red hair from africa, baby 5 is a terrorist in the government from France, terrorist 6 is a serial rapist and arsonist from Idaho.
nanny 10 and the one depilated lumber sexual converse.
um, yeah, said nanny 10. i don’t know.
um, so yeah, said the lumber sexual. but yeah. um, i don’t know. yeah, um, i feel like.
i feel like it could be good, said nanny 10. um, yeah. yeah, yeah, so i have  no idea what the baby is aware of. i feel like. i think we all like each other. i have.
yeah, yeah, i don’t know, said the lumberjack. and things like that. um, i know like. i don’t know.
it’s hard, yeah. said nanny 10. yeah, good luck. i don’t know. make good stuff. yeah, really good stuff.
i had an idea based on your idea, said the lumber sexual.
cool, said the nanny. yeah,yeah.
i think my handwriting got worse, said the lumber sexual. it was good for so long.