Untitled(you look like someone i may have know a long time ago in another life, the black woman said.)Uncategorized
alexis drives a 1986 volvo.
alexis has four pending lawsuits.
i’m suing my landlord, alexis said. he’s charlie’s cousin.
charlie lives in three houses in california. he’s bored there. he’s coming back to portland to live with his cousin.
cooper is going to have to pay for me, alexis said. i don’t have the money to move out. seamus used to live in my house. he came up with his girlfried.
the girlfriend stole money from alexis’s wallet. no one believed alexis when she said seamus’s girlfriend was the thief.
he didn’t tell me they were coming, alexis said. she’s a pretty blond girl,19 or 20.
cooper says i suffer from delusions. he’s kicking me out because my mental illness is deep. he can’t do that. it’s illegal. i have to see a doc to see what diagnosis he gives me.
alexis is not going to the doc. she has been saying it forever and she never does it. alexis is a beautiful liar.
i can’t read more than one page, alexis said.
when i read i close my right eye, i said.
all i listen to is pop music, alexis said. i had a neighbor who was retarded. i thought he was retarded. well, he was. he played the same song on his porch. he never changed it. it was the same song over and over. i understand the mentally challenged now that i have brain damage.
alexis posted on facebook that she self diagnosed herself with ocd and schizophrenia.
you told me not to give you my address, alexis said.
you have to trust me, i said. you have to trust someone and right now you have no one. you do have yourself. you have yourself. remember you are gifted.
i just want to be sure when i’m famous one year from now you wont use the photos, alexis said. if it wasn’t for gehry i wouldn’t think twice about you taking my photos. i cant trust my family. even my closest friend cooper kicks me out. he thinks he’s
enabling me. i have to keep paying rent. i think i have two months.
alexis holds her candle and the pipe. she’s smoking hash. her hair is longer than it was. her hair looks good. she must be taking care of herself.
whats your name now, i said. le xe? what happened to alexis?
alexis was burned at the stake, alexis said. either that or she’s hiding.
alexis’s candle is burning low, near her fingers.
i can’t pay for more than eight hundred, alexis said. i can’t tell anyone where i live.
i miss alexis, i said.
you probably don’t know which is which, alexis said.
i knew alexis for three years, i said. when is she coming back?
alexis walks around with the candle. it makes me nervous. her eye brows look thicker. she sold her car to a twenty two year old techno d.j. on craigslist. he thinks she’s crazy. he was afraid the car was stolen. he thinks alexis is a criminal. she tried to text him. she wanted to get party drugs from him.
we’re both mentally challenged, alexis said.
it arouses me when you say i’m mentally challenged, i said.
now i get you, alexis said.
my mother told me i had brain damage. she said i fell on my head when i was a child.
alexis burns her finger. the candle is burned out.
i’m dumb, before i was smart, alexis said. no one likes smart people. there’s a way to be deep and simple.
alexis takes her shoes off to warm her feet.
aren’t you crazy because people don’t believe you’re crazy?, i said.
alexis wants everyone to think that she’s crazy but no one does and that is what drives her crazy. they think she needs help.
when you’re crazy you can do whatever you want, alexis said.
yeah, i said.
i need adderal to get going, alexis said. it’s my only hope.
alexis lights the candle anew and holds it next to the t.v. screen.
alexis can’t get organized.
are you still talking to the dead, i said.
i don’t know, alexis said. i haven’t heard anything from your mother.
that sucks, i said.
i got food stamps coming, alexis said.
alexis is obsessed with contracts so she doesn’t get taken advantage of.
i’m not with it, alexis said. they take advantage of me. i have to protect my image.
alexis sticks her finger in the pipe and uses the candle’s long flame to light it. the candle is out. she’s done with the pipe. she laces up her boots. she’s thinking what to do next. she needs the two hundred dollars i have in my wallet and she’s not leaving without it. last time she yelled at me for an hour while i masturbated. give me the money you retard, she yelled. i had my therapists voice in my head:don’t let her take advantage of you. give me the money you fucker, she yelled.
i guess i’m going, alexis said. let me use the rest room.
why?, i said.
i need to go pee, alexis said. what else would i use it for?
i’m worried she’s going to explode or steal my anti depressants or brain me with
her glass canister that has vinegar and water in it.
i’m not going to give alexis the two hundred dollars if she doesn’t ask for it.
i deactivated my account because cooper said i was violent, alexis said. i have been offering free entertainment for everyone. it’s not for free anymore. my ankles are cold. i feel hazy. i have this brain fog. i can’t look after myself.
alexis writes the contract with a felt pen on white paper because she has to protect herself for when she’s famous even though she’s already in her mind famous. she needs to feel that she’s famous. if i were to say you’re not famous to alexis she would be anxious and lose her shit. in her mind she’s famous or nothing. in my mind i’m nothing and i have hope someone will hear me. the ears are waterlogged.
i didn’t sign alexis’s contract.
the french canadian killer is on his iphone to tiawan. he has killed ten brown and black women. we all know he’s the killer but we don’t do anything about it. he names his penis like a norse man names his sword. he calls it ulf.
he talks to the black and the brown women about norse mythology.
in the beginning there were frost giants, he said.
what?, said the black woman.
there was no heaven, sky, nor earth. the french canadian killer, said.
i believe there’s only one god, the black woman said.
they killed the giant ymir, the french canadian said. from his blood they made the sea and from his skull the heavens. the dwarves lived in the earth. if you had bad luck it was the dwarves fault.
dwarves?, said the black woman.
yeah, dwarves, said the french canadian killer.
you don’t look like a dwarf, the black woman said.
what do i look like, the french canadian killer said.
you don’t look like anything, the black woman said.
do i remind you of someone, the french canadian killer said.
you look like someone i may have know a long time ago in another life, the black woman said.
two young women and a young man talk about higher education and a mentally ill young woman.
people get raped all the time at ivy league schools, said the young woman.
right but they are a good school, said the young man.
even though the diagnosis was nothing, said the young woman.
that is part of the role of our parents, said the young man.
she reached a level of independence, said the young woman.
she was never diagnosed, said the young woman.
she was perfectly successful at a community college, said the young woman who hadn’t said a word.
imagine someone throwing out your shit, said the young man.
the student body is too small, said the young woman who hadn’t said a word.
would you stop being weird about this?, said the young woman. this is my family.
I just want to agree about the reality of her situation, said the young man.
my aunt couldn’t understand it, said the young woman. she’s fairly educated.
education is education but it’s not enough to detect illness, said the young woman who hadn’t said a word.