i had rum and steak on a tray. i looked at the mustaches of my forefathers. a portly man was painted in medieval blue. bourbon is sweeter than whiskey. my neck was stiffening. i took my pill and and three advil.
do you want whiskey or bourbon, i said.
bourbon, a said.
you can spell whisky with an e or without an e. when i type whisky the grammar
check disapproves.
a middle aged man in his forties and an older man in his late fifties had a bourbon. they groomed each other.
girls and their fathers is such a weird bond, the middle aged man, said.
i’m not wearing my hat. it feels like it’s still on my head. i touch my hair
to make sure the hat isn’t there. i don’t trust my hair. i cut it myself.
is the faceless man looking at me from behind the blond head?

i eavesdropped on a short athletic lesbian with long thin mousy blond hair:
i was trying to tell the case manager. did you report to the doc. i’ll give you the information. he was finger pointing. you have no information. he accused me of stealing. i discussed it with the case manager. the handy man is moving. it’s good. he can’t stay. he has a chair, not much stuff. i have been reimbursing myself, keeping the receipt. i had a lawsuit against me. my sister sued me. she wasn’t able to prove it was her stuff. i started telling him the law. are you a lawyer he said. i can read i said. part of his suit was to sue punitive damage. you know i can read. i was angry and motivated.
my crazy sister is in georgia. if she removes shit it’s considered theft. i can read. when you can read the loophole in the law you can thwart it.
we laughed at my cousin, a said. i thought she was laughing at me.
did he cry, i said.
he was lonely, she said.  i thought she was saying i was lonely and unprofessional. i don’t care for professionalism. i don’t care for safety. i can break down but i know what is happening because i have broken down many times over. a can give herself for an hour and then she has to worry about what she has to do. she feels humiliated by her ex and his thin tall girlfriend. they made a decision without including her. her ex was getting stronger and she was getting weaker when she was with him so she ended it. it wasn’t an equal situation, somehow the husband had a loophole. he had replaced her within a year’s time after the divorce with another woman.
i thought golf courses and talk show hosts when she talked about her republican lawyer ex husband.
murakami is obsessed with rape and incest, i said.
the portraits of stately white men sniffing whiskey in long neck glasses gleamed in the light of the fire place.
the modest bartender took my napkin and steak knife when i wasn’t looking.