the motif was a hairy bush. the dude kept pounding this beautiful pale red head woman and touching her bush. he made her touch her bush. she moaned as she stroked it. you like that hairy bush, she said. yeah you like that hairy bush. they never kissed. he really worked her over. her chest was beet red. he moved her like furniture and pumped away. i thought she was so beautiful. i wanted to make her love me and force her not to see any of her peers. she didn’t have movie star looks or model looks. she was somewhat too old for magazine work. she had long thin athletic white legs. the dude was stubby and muscular. look at that bush, he said.

i’ll start soon.
start now.
why is half of my face missing?
it’s a bird.
why is there a bird on my face?
i don’t know.
it looks like my face is ripped off. i hate birds. they freak me out.
this is influenced by you but looks nothing like you.

the penicillin and the anti depressant are making me tired and nauseous.
i still have a concussion. i still can’t be around lights.
my chest hair is a spider’s nest.
y holds me down. he chokes me. black spiders flounce on my chest.
y is an untimely figure, and yet so timely.
you’re having a stroke, he said. i’m helping you. i miss having you around. you’re such a good strategist.
what did you do to them, i said.
they found them in the city park.
you’re cloudy.
they know where i am. they know about you.
no one knows about you. you’re obsessed with me.
is it safe?
fuck you.
is it safe?
why is my face gone?
shut up
spiders lay eggs in the passage that was my face. two bright flashes block my sight. i give birth to a million spiders. they give me doubt, fear, and curiosity.
in this fight sequence there is no contact. it is a memorial monument, an absence or an after thought. there is mirroring, crying, hysteria,  moaning, begging, defecation, breathing, thinking, repetition, heaving, high blood pressure, anxiety, stalling, doubt, debate, hoarding, threatening, finger pointing, disclosure, non disclosure, despair, longing, low blood pressure, infection, deflection, denial, moby dick, confidence, terror, spume,posturing, flexing, reflection, yelling, booing, deploring, imploring, coaxing, toasting, bribing,
grinding, poking, smiling, grimacing, kicking, fisting, iostling for position, texting, spitting, plumbing, philosophizing, lingering, retreating, advancing, complaining, whining, dying, mourning,voting, blaming, hanging, dancing, laughing, flying, valium, penicillin, pestering, the sublime,nonsense, dysfunction, the absurd, the forgiven, the abandoned, disease, compulsion, reprisal, distrust, oral surgery, fear, madness, existentialism, humanism, anti humanism, worship,
humor, delusion, illusion, rationalism, the nuclear age, the digital age, racism, sexism, agism,
the suicide, the rebel, the tyrant, capitalism, socialism, academia, truancy, neglect, abuse,
poison, acid, character assassination, aphasia, realism, intoxication, prognosis, diagnosis, gambling, upstaging, feminism, communism, plagiarism, lifting, mutation, transformation,
transcendence, populism, plotting, rotting, biting, choking, rivers, forests, galaxies, disavowal,
sedation, probation, nominalism, logos, treaties, generals, foot soldiers, grunts, trenches,
the bench, the court house, the prairie, taxes, therapists, psychiatrists, bankers, banks, bridges,
investors, trust holders, estates, draw bridges, high ways, cancer, pills, drugs, rivals, enemies, sibling rivalry, lovers, great american rivers, steam boats, con men, politicians, sex workers, tug boats, stunt men, the great american western movie,