Tyson, has always been scared of my love for him.
I haven’t seen Tyson for two decades. He thinks he knows me because me were
childhood friends. He wants to get revenge. He thinks I wronged him. I haven’t seen him for two decades. He looks the same except he has deep lines around his nose and mouth that end at his chin. His skin is as smooth and black as it was. His eyes are yellow. He still has long fingers like an extra terrestrial.
He texted me repeatedly for a childhood photo of us.
Do you have the childhood photo I asked for, Tyson said.
I’ll get for you when I have it, I said.
You still have the same negative attitude you had when we were kids, Tyson said.
Tyson, I’m sorry, I said. I just don’t know when I’ll be back at my step father’s house.
If I was there I would find your photo.
As far as I know there are only two photos of us, Tyson said.
Tyson’s African father married his cousin. I think he may be marrying one of his cousins because when I asked him about his girlfriend he said he had know her since birth.
Tyson lives in the past. I don’t know what he does for a living. I think his father got him work at a radio station. he has a huge family and they stick together.
Do you remember Marco, he said.
The German, I said.
Yes, Tyson said. Where was he from?
Munich, I said.
I think it was Berlin, Tyson said.
I think Tyson’s as isolated as I am. He’s scary because he can be very violent. When I remember how much I love him I’m fearless and I even hope that he beats the shit out of me. He punched me one time in the stomach and choked me when I was fourteen. He sends me broken text messages that don’t make sense. He doesn’t complete his thoughts. I think he may have a mental disorder. He’s as crazy, if not more crazy, than myself. I don’t know anyone he knows so I can’t get feedback on his behavior. I know he talks about me to his friends. He’s a gossip. His favorite t.v. show was entertainment tonight. He gets off when he sees I’m in misery. When I had a girlfriend he would get very angry and bang a skinny tree in his yard until his knuckles bled. We were in love. We would masturbate together and get high. He was the first one to show me how to masturbate.
Marco could have killed us, Tyson said. He drove like an insane person.
Yeah, he was a suicide, I said.
I think how nice it would be if Tyson and I could be friends like how we were when we were teenagers, how nice it would be to not be alone.
Tyson is the most impossible person I have ever known. He wouldn’t share his
weed when we were fourteen.
Tyson lives in the past. Do you remember Alexis Boltho, Tyson said.
I don’t, I said.
I have know him from childhood, Tyson said. He comes from a respectable family, but he was a creep and a thief.
Tyson thinks everyone is a creep and a thief. He thinks I’m a creep and a thief.
Please find Marco.
Tyson wants me to find everyone from the past. He isn’t married and he has no children. I don’t know if he works.
I don’t have time to find Marco, I said. I’m taking care of my daughter.
Do you like to drive, I said.
Who doesn’t, Tyson said.
There are folks who prefer to bike or to walk, I said.
Riding, walking, driving, same difference, Tyson said.
I have seen photos on facebook of Tyson driving in his vehicle.He must be proud that he’s single and that he can drive where he pleases. He mostly posts music videos.
Can you send me a cd of your music, I said. Tyson is a talented musician.
I don’t get your crap writing, Tyson said.
Well others do so that’s ok, I said.
But you can’t blame a guy for trying, Tyson said.
What happened to Chris Harrington, Tyson said.
I have no idea what happened to Chris, I said. He was a racist.
What happened to Luis, Tyson said.
I don’t know, I said.
You bullied him, Tyson said. You hated him.
I bullied him because my stepfather bullied me, I said.
I remember your stepfather trying to hit you when you were a spoiled brat and he missed, Tyson said.
He didn’t miss, I said. He hit me in the face. You were laughing like a hyena. You were euphoric.
You deserved it, Tyson said.
You’re an asshole, I said.
Tyson looked very calm, almost disillusioned. When we were teenagers he would have bashed me and I would have folded. I thought he was stronger than me because he was black. I also liked it when he overpowered me. He still wants to dominate me.
He still hates me because he can’t suck my dick. I have to be careful. He could really hurt me when he realizes he still loves me. I’ve never met anyone who wants to hurt me as badly as he does. At forty six he has contempt for me.
Do you have musicians in your family?, I said.
Jackson Kaujeua and Willie Mubende Tyson said. Google them.
Really, why did you never tell me you came from a musical family?, I said. I always wonder why you are so arrogant and righteous and now I know it’s because I can google Jackson and Willie.
I was deeply insulted when you invited me to a gay man’s flat in Amsterdam, Tyson said. Was he your boyfriend? He had penis’s on the wall. You demonstrated total disrespect for my culture and my way of life and that is why I left first class to apartheid South Africa.
No, he wasn’t my boyfriend, I said. He was a good family friend. You’re a homophobe. You always have been.
The gay guy is dead, no, Tyson said.
I hope not, I said.
You gave me nothing to drink, Tyson said.
I think my love for you has always scared you, I said.
I think your love for me is a farce, Tyson said.
I’m going to write about us. It will be about a black dude who hates his white friend because he won’t suck his dick.
Because you’re a fucking dumb ass idiot!!!, Tyson said.
You’re not making sense, I said.
Bitch, Tyson said.
Tyson has been texting me to go see my father.
Why are you obsessed with my father, I said.
I think you need closure, Tyson said.
I had it when I was a young man but I still have anger, I said. I’m not sure that goes away. I don’t want to disconnect and to be indifferent. I channel my grief in my writing. I’m glad you care about me to address it. This is why I love you Tyson. You are direct.
Does Tyson think he’s superior to me because he wants to save me?, I thought to myself.
Your father hurt your family, Tyson said. I don’t want to hang around a brother and sister and mother who have had that kind of angst, pain, and won’t resolve it because they don’t give a shit.
This is an example of Tyson’s distorted thinking. He knows nothing about my family and here he’s judging us. My mother isn’t even alive. My sister doesn’t even know he exists. I see how fucked up and wayward it is. He has done it ever since I have known him. He singles me out for his hatred. He blames me for ruining his life. After Tyson said I was racist for not trusting a black friend when I gave money to his non profit that wasn’t legitimate I can’t help but think that he hates me because I’m white. We never mentioned race. It has always been there ever since puberty when we became aware of it. He liked white girls. I got more white girls than he did. he thought it was because I was white. We made fun of jewish people and sang nasty songs about them when we were fourteen because we were deluded and ignorant. We had a white friend in common. We used to shop lift and we masturbated in a circle. The white friend said that Tyson had fat lips. They had a falling out.
Tyson held me down with his elbow in my neck.
I don’t want to suck your dick, Tyson said.
I know you want to suck it, I said.
You make me sick, Tyson said.
Fuck you, I said.
Tyson pushed my chin up. It felt like he was going to sever my head. He shoved his long fingers into my mouth.
Say you love me, I said. Why can’t you say it?
` He pulled out his thin long hard cock. He shoved it into my bleeding mouth.
Suck it you bitch, Tyson said.