Untitled(there are five heads and under them there are a hundred heads and under the hundred heads a thousand.)Uncategorized
we want you to stay with us, he said.
what does he mean, he thought. it isn’t for me to clarify.
he says the opposite of what he means to say. he believes his lies not to go insane even though he knows to believe them is insanity.
he sent her a photo. she looks drowsy and confused. she will hate it. he tells her it’s his favorite photo of her. he likes taking bad photos in general. how can he be so mean to her and so nice to someone he hates.
the two men were hung in the square. they move in the wind. he looks at them. he thought that he was worse off than they were. he thought he had less of a chance to be happy than them. he didn’t know if he was supposed to believe in hope when he had nothing to believe in. he wanted to expect something. he wanted someone to tell him what to think and then to disagree with him. he didn’t want to think that he had to do something someone else said he should do to feel like he belonged
he believed in the two men who were still. they looked peaceful.
he read the sky. he laughed whenever he saw something true in the bright sun.
the square leads to a large rectangular building. there are desks in it. there are heads looking at a podium with a lanky man behind it.
there was something sobering about the fact that they want him dead.
they said he was allowed to go back to his office. they would send him someone to interview. he hadn’t worked for months and he was tired. they had given the woman the list of questions they wanted her to answer so she could study them and prepare to answer them when he questioned her. one woman had failed to answer a question. she had been led to the square where they had her stand for two days until she came up with an acceptable answer.
i get worried about you when you don’t answer my texts, he said
she closed her eyes as if she was checking her memory.
i was hoping to get my debit card, she said.
the answers aren’t inside you, he thought. they are outside you.
i have the two hundred for rent and made a contract to pay for the rest before the 31st, she said.
did you stay in your room all day, he said.
yes it was depressing, she said
did you talk to anyone, he said.
no, she said.
are you going to any of the meetings, he said
i mean to, she said.
he felt like she was lying. she scared him and he didn’t know why. he felt that
he was going to regret knowing her.
can i have 75 dollars, she said.
don’t let her stay with you, he thought. once she’s inside she will never leave.
my depression is debilitating, she said. i need to get out of my apartment. they won’t let me stay here unless you accept me.
they are killing everyone who is still living alone in the country side.
i would tell you i need you but it scares me, she said.
they don’t listen to me, i said.
there are five heads and under them there are a hundred heads and under the hundred heads a thousand.
thank you, she said. you are saving me.