Untitled(she can get a license. she’s scared she is going to be charged with vehicular manslaughter. )Uncategorized
the tall thin woman, v, is from virginia. she has been wanting to read jefferson’s writing. she has been reading translations. she wants to read american writers even though they have been edited. she read joan didion. she thinks her novels read like a screen play.
v has a sister. the sister is angry. she stutters and blinks. she was detained for stalking her.
v can go forward. she can do a chore. the anxiety is less when she does them. she can get a license. she’s scared she is going to be charged with vehicular manslaughter. v considers why everyone has to die. when she thinks about herself she wants to kill herself because she thinks she’s a bad person. she has a friend she can count on seeing when she goes to work. she feels that having her friend she can avoid the thought about killing herself. she bends down to reach the paper cups. she likes to fill them with coffee from a thermos. her bf is an avid reader. they read together in bed. he uses a reading light. she feels alone when she’s with him. he never has anything to talk about. he’s unemployed. her friend talks about her bf. she didn’t want to see him anymore and now she wants to move in with him. her friend tells her how great her arms look when they are too skinny. she tells her how smart she is when she is absentminded.
v was reading proust to see if she could understand and explain to herself the ideas behind the long sentences. she thought the ideas were obvious and didn’t need to be explained to herself. she didn’t want to have to believe in something, someone or herself to be happy. she wanted to be like a rock or an app. she reminded herself that french philosophers read proust many times over and read something new each time. when she told herself to remember what she read in proust she remembered a character in another novel who had nothing to look forward to but was happy when he didn’t think too far ahead. what did the woman in proust’s novel who isolates herself from society mean? what did these groups and sub groups in society have to do with time? Did they have anything to do with time and memory?
v’s grandfather called. he said he was worried about her when she didn’t call him. he has been forgetting the names of things. she worries he will forget her name. it saddens her to think about him not having anyone to talk to but herself.
v went to see her equally skinny tall bf. he works in his room on projects. he shares an apartment with two roommates. he never leaves his apartment. he sleeps with his clothes on. he likes her long thin vagina. he doesn’t clean his cock. she cleans it for him when she sucks on it. he doesn’t brush his teeth. she licks his upper teeth that look cleaner than the lower ones. he pees himself when he goes to the bathroom, there is always more piss to come out. he orders dinner with an app. he used to cook for himself. he has diarrhea and palpitations from the poor diet. when she isn’t around, he books hotel rooms and flights to honolulu san francisco and los angeles. he never makes the final payment. he doesn’t want to feel the same loneliness he can feel when he’s in portland or to have to explain to himself why he’s in honolulu.