Untitled(in my dreams the giant and i struggle for power. i travel the stairs of his two lofts. there are giants with ax blades, dwarfs, and shifting shapes and gales. )Uncategorized
alexis has her head wrapped in a piece of cloth. she has acne on her chin.
the constant battle is fatigue, alexis said. i got herbs for my brain.
alexis takes off the cloth. her hair is wet and long. her teeth are short and black.
i’m stopping coffee, alexis said.
alexis was in whole foods for four hours she doesn’t look as skinny as she did. i think she has been eating, but i can’t be sure.
alexis spent her last four dollars. she wants me to give her more money.
she bought new clothes. she needs more for more stuff.
i haven’t gone shopping for two years, alexis said.
alexis holds her face in between her two large hands.
i got new shoes, converse, alexis said.
she told me about the new water proof converse when i saw her last time.
i’m talking less and less when I see alexis. i don’t know where my mind is when I’m with her. i pity her and i hate her. she reminds me of myself so it’s impossible for me to reject her. i masturbate and i cry when she stands on a red chair and talks about how she doesn’t want me to take advantage of her like everyone else has in her short young life. she threatens to kill herself if i don’t give her a hundred dollars.
i have add, alexis said. can we turn off the tv. i got pellets for the stove.
it’s crazy cold. i’m glad i’m moving. the energy is stagnant. i have my tent in front of my fireplace. things are slowly coming along. it’s uncanny. my body feels like a thousand pounds. i get depressed when i don’t have a social life. i need to socialize once a week. my car snowed in. i don’t have a snow shovel.
i don’t say a fucking word. i can’t believe the disease i hear coming out of her black mouth. i feel supremely humiliated. i’m happy. i have done nothing wrong. no one is going to kill me for crimes against humanity.
i survived the apocalypse last week, alexis said.
in my dreams the giant and i struggle for power. i travel the stairs of his two lofts. there are giants with ax blades, dwarfs, and shifting shapes and gales. they bury me alive with a viking chief in a massive grave. a man made of human fingernails brains me with a hammer. a woman slave is sodomized.
i turned the light so i can see alexis’s face.
i feel recovered, alexis said. if i had energy. if i had adderal. i would.
i want the world for alexis. she should have the world. why not?
i have elaborate ideas, alexis said. i’m too depressed.
i felt defeated like alexis when i was her age until i started to manage my mental health.
the thing that saves you is that you have no pride, alexis said.
alexis turns the light away so i can’t see her face. she wants to hide the acne on the left side of her face.
i like women with bad skin.
i can’t see her sharp east european contours without the light. the witch knows i want to see her face. if she had it her way she would talk to me from the darkness.
i’m sensitive to bright light because i’m a reptile, alexis said.
i’m not doing anything in the house because there is no lighting, alexis said.
you can be depressed around me, i said. i have low standards.
rianna is getting me through it and my exercise bike, alexis said. i have to go to the tanning saloon.
what’s going on with cooper, i said.
i paid him the last of my money for the month, alexis said.
alexis wasn’t able to bury her dog. he’s still in the back yard.
i couldn’t get anything done because sammy needed my attention all day, alexis said. autumn and danny are two witches who were burned at the stake. we are going to get a place at low income housing. why doesn’t anyone want to live in low income housing. people are afraid to live with blacks, but i’m not. i’ve lived with black folk all my life. i don’t know if i can get low income housing without a job. i’m too tired. the crack head next door. i shared a pipe with him. he was high on crack. i shouldn’t have shared a pipe with him. i wasn’t thinking. i acted like i didn’t notice. are you on speed the black dude said. you seem like you’re on speed. i was like how i was now. you seem like a speed addict the black dude said. i think it was my acne. he thought i was a meth addict because i have acne. most people want to fuck you, he said so they wont tell you you look like a speed addict he said. danny has the same haircut and she has acne. she looks like a meth addict. she takes meth. adderal would be great. it’s like speed. i think i would like meth. it was obvious the black dude is a tweaker. they can’t sit still. they have no attention span like myself. you want to know what my idea of tuesday was the black dude said. i was licking the stranger that was in my bed. i was licking his nipples, i was
licking crack off his nipples and genitalia. the black dude licks brain dead bodies. if i hadn’t gone over that one day i would never have known about the brain dead. they are everywhere in his crack house. one of them is a five foot two bald social worker. he separates brown women from their babies. he keeps the babies for himself. he trades them with the black dude for crack. he’s a social worker and he enslaves brown women. he likes to fuck them when they aren’t looking. he shares a pipe with them and then they don’t know what is happening. the brain dead are prone. the black dude gives them a pipe to get them up. there’s a school teacher who teaches at lincoln high. she lost her babies to the black dude and the crack. she still teaches the white kids at the high school. they like her because she pretends to think like them. at night she is prone in the crack house and in the day time she lectures white students. the brain dead surround us. they are taking adderall or they are taking meth. i would never have smoked from the same pipe. i don’t know why money matters depress me so much. i feel like i want to shoot myself if i go on on line banking. i’m afraid even to think about thinking about money matters.
alexis has on red leggings.
i’ll die if you confine me, alexis said. i have to be free to catch fire, no limitations.