one of them had put a beer in the freezer and it exploded, j said.
he leaves on the burner. are you trying to kill us again? it never happens when you’re
not around he said.
j is knitting with three women. j has an abrasive laugh.
tomas is a designer photographer, video stuff, j said. j has a german accent.
everyone love him, j said. he’s embarrassed and polite. he’s so cute.
she was flirting so hard with him. he so cute. joe had introduced him as my roommate. you have to have the weirdest brain ever. i make strange faces.
the loner is here. he was talking with the lesbian yesterday. i think he thinks she’s bisexual. he wants to go to her place. she hasn’t had him over and doesn’t seem keen on it. i don’t know what he does. he is very intent with his laptop. he wears earphones while he types on his computer. i learned he’s from philadelphia and that he doesn’t ever want to go back there.
the four women are particular about their appearance; dyed hair, boots, fancy shirts, red and brown lipstick.
my dream is to have all these houses in a circle inhabited with my friends, j said.
i started a new job and a boyfriend, j said. i have been traveling around too much.
when we moved into our camper van we got rid of a lot of our furniture, m said.
i don’t have a saucer. i place my tea bag on the coke bottle. it fell to the floor.
i feel homesick. i want to see w she has a snub nose and large green round eyes that she bore into my dopey dilatory eyes. i felt that we had an otherworldly exchange. she was insulted when i said that i liked her pallor. do you want to fuck a corpse, w said.
we dated for a year before we moved to another city together, m said. the beginning of a relationship is stressful. it ended up being great. it just worked out.
i don’t have much to say to h. i can’t tell his age because he’s bald. i like talking to his girlfriend or she likes talking to me. i like her light blue eyes and black hair.
where is my sister? she is with our stepdad. they are very close. he sees my sister’s three children. he walks with two canes. he doesn’t want to have surgery for his poor knees. he hasn’t seen my daughter in a long time. i can’t take her to travel, not for two years. my upper spine is stiff. i wasn’t able to move for two weeks.
i invited myself over to j’s house.
you’re an asshole and you hate everyone, j said. i know the world is already terrible. i’m already aware of this. you give no nuances. this movie was academic. i haven’t seen the other two. j has a thick german accent. it muffles her english. it sounds like her mouth is covered with a man’s hand. i think she feels that she is understood when she raises her voice.
j squats like she has to pee.
i don’t like it when you stare, j said. do you like my hair. it looks orange yellow, even green.
i’m not sure what you mean, i said.
what is it, j said. are you wrong? do you have anything to offer us.
i thought we should go out, i said. does it rain like this in germany?
i have a wonderful boss, j said. he competes in bike race. i never wear a helmet. in america they don’t smoke and they wear helmets. they want to live forever. who wants to live forever?! i want to die when i’m fifty. i don’t know what to think about portland. everyone is a genius here. i still like it better than germany. do you notice that germany doesn’t have terrorist attacks. no one wants to terrorize us. we are immune to terror.
it wasn’t long ago that you terrorized the planet, i said.
what are you speaking, j said. it was a long time ago. you are living in the past. that’s why you don’t get things done. you are not doing things. you are doing nothing.
when i see a face i don’t like i never forget it, i said.
germany has been denuded, i thought. it doesn’t need to be terrorized.
you are a ghost, j said. i see how you stare at me.
j stands, takes off her sweater and t-shirt. she has on a flesh colored bra.
she has a healthy amount of underarm hair.
do you like my underarms, j said.
i don’t mind them, i said.
good for you, j said.
my odor has changed. the deodorant doesn’t dissipate it. my feet smell sour from wearing the same socks for weeks. the only time my socks are clean is when i buy new ones. i hope j won’t smell them. my eyes are twitching.
you are thinking what i look like j said. she turns around to face me. her breasts are taut.
massage my knees, j said. i won’t hurt you. i can be generous.
i take off my clothes.
why do you have a bandage on your shoulder, j said.
george stabbed me, i said.
why did he stab you, j said.
he doesn’t think i understand him, i said. he doesn’t feel loved because he doesn’t know how to love.
what is love, j said. when you love a woman you want to own her.
stand up and spread your legs.
j hits me with a thin rod fifty times as i count them out loud.
you have a high thresh hold for pain, j said.