she has on a blue t-shirt and combat boots.
did i miss anything, i said.
no, she said.
jacob is not here.
i have a feeling he is with his girl friend or a group friends. he likes to stay busy.
i have to slow down. everything has to slow down. it does. i can feel the dirt
and the water. i have on a white thirt that is tight at the neck i pull at the neck to
widen it. i don’t want to ruin the t shirt. it is costly. i got it on line. i feel shitty about
it. when i sit down it hugs my waistline and it doesn’t cover my lower back. the ten squats i do everyday have maintained me.
amanda received a poem from a fisherman. he is married. she feels guilty about it. she needed to tell me about the poem. i read it. the philanderer fisherman thinks she’s a golden ocean. i thought it was a reference to amniotic fluid. i would’ve never thought he’s the kind of guy to write poetry. he spends a lot of time with fisherman and around boats. though there is a long fisher poet tradition. that might explain the ocean reference, amanda said. you don’t have to respond to him, i said. the poem was anonymous. she knew it was ed. he used to get bison meat from her house, the same bison meat she gets from her father’s ranch. she gave him the hugs he mentioned in the poem. she feels she needs to talk to ed about it. it’s curious that she’s concerned about ed’s feelings and not her own. i don’t want to lose amanda to a married man. i still would have her if she wanted to fuck ed, the fisherman. funny, you’re right that women think about men’s feelings before their own, amanda said.
mother amanda is hungry.
i feel like you’re my mommy when i have my penis on your leg
does it feel good?, amanda said.
she kisses me. she feeds me her breast. she grabs my head.
oh mommy, i said. oh mommy, mommy.
her mouth gets larger and larger, her breath heavier.
that’s a good boy, she said. that’s a good boy.
the long windows in the front room and the five windows in the kitchen are painted shut.
i masturbated with my left hand. i never masturbate with my left hand. amanda
looked at my penis. she massaged my thigh. i felt her thick gaze. i had the image of her two large breasts from earlier when she was on my chest. i saw the back of her auburn head. i came handily.
we went to a street fair to meet gary the surfer and the photographer. gary is dating a very famous actor’s daughter. he is as thin as she is. he had his own white tent. there were so many body types at the fair; long legs on a short torso, long arms and long legs, wide thick thighs, long necks, short necks, squat heads, squat eyes, stupid noses, intelligent noses, shaved sides of the head with long hair, shaved or hairy legs, brown skin, white skin.