When they found the young woman Y frequented dead I prayed that he had had nothing to do with it but knew it had to have been him. One man went down on all fours and another wept and said how peaceful she was. There was no inside or outside. I had transcendence through voyeurism and transsexuals.
A man lay in public. He spent weeks dying in the brilliant sun. No one knew he was dead for weeks. I moved to another meadow and discovered a prone thin young Japanese man. You only love because you are loved, he said.
I felt guilty I was alive. I felt that someone wanted me to die because I wasn’t good.
In the shadow of vinyl buildings the mewling addicts had commerce. The Polish alcoholic who used to be a respected Doctor in his country administered his vendetta. The drunks disbanded when their wives came to bring them home.
I went to look for solace with Y’s wife. She said she wasn’t expecting me. Y had been away for days. She had on a t shirt and one of Y’s extra large shirts wrapped around her waist. She was happy to see me. She needed to talk about how abusive Y was. He was withdrawn and refused to answer basic questions. He yanked his nose and said that it looked and felt like a penis. He left because he said he was scared he was going to hurt her. Y had periods when he lost himself and became paranoid. He thought that he was like his father who had sexually abused him. We never knew where he went.When he returned he usually was ecstatic about some vagary and wanted his wife to mirror his bliss. She thought that one day soon she would leave him. She had been scared to knowing that an abuser can be violent when you try to leave. She walked around and asked me if I liked her feet. I giggled like a girl. She asked me what was funny. I said I thought it was hilarious that I was with her earlier that morning and had thought I wouldn’t be able to see her for awhile, at least a couple of days.
Lydia asked me where I was. When I confessed I was with Y’s wife she was livid. It hadn’t bothered her before.
Don’t you know about Y’s girl, Lydia said. They are looking for him. You’re an idiot spending time with his wife. I went out into the night to pick a fight with a man.