The grayish white building on Hawthorne had hundreds of small lights above its door. Bobby was face down on the floor. She took valium to avoid a seizure when she quit a pain killer she had been using for a year.
A bearded man not unlike any other bearded man in a plaid shirt was standing above her. It’s not everyday that I get to see you, he said. He was looking at me and he may have been addressed me. I thought about my wife. I didn’t want to think about her. She would want to know where I was. I thought I should tell her I was going to hike around the urban volcano. I felt that if I left Bobby would never get up.
Two young black men approached the bearded man. Who is that on the floor, the taller of the two said.
It’s Bobby, the bearded man said.
The bearded man left with the two black men.
I pressed my nose to Bobby’s neck. It smelled of lilac.
The two black men returned with a crowd. I pretended to be one of them. I hated the cocksure faces .
I was the one they had heard about. I was ready to show them the work I had done inside myself. I was shameless. I wiped
mucous on one of them. The fat man fell unconscious. When he came to he didn’t know where he was.
They wanted to know what I had done to him.
The fuck I know what I did, I said. I didn’t do nothing.
Leave Bobby with me, I said.
Bobby had a bony vagina. She had a thin neck. She talked about finding someone to love her and that there wasn’t anyone. I fucked her to clam her down and shut her up.
I want to die, she said. What did you do to him?
I didn’t do shit, I screamed.
They wore the same clothing and dour countenance. I wasn’t ready to accept their violence.
They had me sign papers. I signed them with my initials. I thought that they would be satisfied with the signed documents. When would the day come when I wouldn’t need to please someone? They asked me if there was anything else I wanted to say. I had already made statements I was unsure about. It didn’t matter what I had to say now that I had signed. They didn’t ask me to explain myself. I felt encouraged and made a few statements about the nature of human sexuality.
I wanted to make a phone call. I had a mainline. I had lost my cell and I didn’t remember its number. I had received calls on my mainline from a man who said he knew me, but didn’t want to give me his name. Not before he unveiled himself would I listen to another word.