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Alan Smithee alansmithee

Alan Smithee is a controversial, sometimes shallow, persnickety, abrasive, overly-sentimental, hyper-opinionated, misanthrope whose writing totally, seriously, not kidding, has absolutely no connection to the Zouch editors whose writing style he so perfectly mimics for some reason.

Hungover at the Funeral: 2011 in Retrospect

Like any good cliché narrative, the story of 2011 begins where it ends.

Commentary, Culture
pepper-spray mallcop on black friday or christmas, re: Occupy

When Jesus Returns, Will They Give Him Store Credit?

Consumerism is as American as AR-15s and just as likely to rack up a body count. Clean up on aisle five.

Commentary, Culture

The Digital Divide and The Great Big Whatever

Too young, too young. Such a loss. Live fast, die in a Florida retirement home during the afternoon encore of Wheel of Fortune. Sex, Drugs and Rockefeller.

Commentary, Culture, Digital

Cynical Guerrilla: Innocence

Is it wrong to be happy that Osama bin Laden is dead? Do we lose our innocence when we seek revenge, and when we celebrate a death?

Commentary, Culture
Marshall McLuhan

Cynical Guerrilla: Slaves to Free Networks

Does a road represent freedom, or does it serve a darker purpose? Does it tell you where you can go-- or where you can't? Facebook and Twitter are immensely popular...

Commentary, Culture, Digital

Cynical Guerrilla: Fear Only Fear

“Remember that in Canada, very few people actually starve to death". I still remember those words spoken to me by a mentor of mine.

Commentary, Culture

Cynical Guerrilla: The Rise of Anonymous

"They wore all black, and had Guy Fawkes masks on their faces. They were orderly, quiet, contained. I've seen my share of protests, and this one was different."

Commentary, Culture, Digital
Bay & Front

Cynical Guerrilla: Free Stuff, Save Me

Let's get this out of the way: I work on Bay Street; I commute downtown from the 'burbs every morning. Mea culpa. Toronto's financial district is primal chaos every weekday morning.

Commentary, Culture, Essays

Cynical Guerrilla: I Saw A Pale Horse, Its Rider Was Snooki

Let's consider Justin Bieber. Even from my cave, I know who this kid is. I think it goes without saying that his music is saccharine pap.

Commentary, Culture, Essays

Cynical Guerrilla: EPIC FAIL

A handful of emotionally-charged words that express nothing but vague judgments are leading us toward verbal impotence and cognitive dullardry.

Commentary, Essays

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