art above by Emmanuel Laflamme
The term “Website” is outrageously passé, isn’t it? It doesn’t quite capture and describe what they are. Regardless of what one calls them—cloud-based platforms, mobile apps, Web services, social networks—they are certainly sprouting with a feral intensity, almost with impunity. Keeping a track of them has become a Sisyphean activity.
For those who have just wormhole-ed into the digital space—say, from the Victorian era—a guide, of sorts, as to what to do, and where, may be of enormous help. With that in mind, I have prepared “A Victorian’s Guide To The Digital Galaxy.”
Facebook. This is where I broadcast that I have a fondness for the generous warmth of a cup of hot tea and the velvety softness of Devonshire cream.
Twitter. This is where I inform that I have commenced sipping my #tea, sitting in my ornate garden chair.
Tumblr. This is where I share a glimpse of my beautifully hand-painted teapot, sugar bowl, cream pitcher, and tea tray.
Blogger. This is where I keep a diary of my ruminations on tea. _______________
Formspring. This is where I go to pose the question: “Could someone be so kind as to enlighten me as to why, this afternoon, my tea is not having its customary effect on me?”
Bit.ly. This is where I shrink my tea cup and saucer. ___________________________
LinkedIn. This is where I proudly announce that I have been, in the past, an adroit sales assistant, who has efficiently lured many a tea connoisseur into buying mediocre products with eye-catching packaging.
Google+. This is where I share with my literary “circle,” serious snippets about poets who live on nothing, but tea.
Foursquare. This is where I go to brag about the establishment where I purchase my tea.
Digg. This is where I discover what others are sharing on tea, everything from the prominent to the obscure.
Mint. This is where I maintain a tally of all my monetary transactions pertaining to tea.
Dwolla. This is what I use when I am shamefully short on cash, but am still intent on not leaving the store without the packet of the refined tea that I have set my sights on.
Flickr. This is where I release an out-of-focus snap of me drinking tea—just for laughs.
Instagram. This is where I post a daguerreotype of me sipping my tea, as I envision myself in the Elizabethan era.
Vimeo. This is where I post an arty video footage of me delicately balancing my tea cup in one hand, and gracefully ladling a spoon of sugar into it, with the other.
YouTube. This is where I post a fuzzy video clip of me draining my cup of tea, in a most un-ladylike fashion, and then, dashing off to hail a hansom cab.
Fancy. This is a catalog of the finest teas that I would like to be gifted by my secret lover.
Byliner. This is how I am able to keep abreast of the finest articles, penned by the finest writers of our glorious times.
Pinterest. This is where I rummage, with keen interest, for recipes of scones and cucumber sandwiches to serve for high teas, which I often host.
Kickstarter. If I should ever think of starting my own artisanal tea pavilion, instead of asking my husband, this is where I would entreat upright citizens to financially back my entrepreneurial endeavor.
WordPress. This is where I will wax eloquent on the joys of imbibing tea, after my start-up takes off.