D’s knees are getting worse. he fears the surgeon’s knife and going under.
He’s going for an MRI. he doesn’t feel anything in his calves and feet, the nerves aren’t responsive. A German American trainer is working with D. D hates to exercise. The exercises are less boring than he thought. If he keeps it up he’ll be able to use the stairs. It has been years since he used them. He has to meet with several doctors this week. He takes blood thinner to prevent a stroke. I think I took something like what he takes so that the blood isn’t as thick and forceful. I can’t say I have anything to say about any of this shit. This is how it is. This shit goes on. It doesn’t ever end. We can say that there is nothing that we can do. I don’t know about the knee. I know it allows us to bend. You can’t get around with a knee that doesn’t bend. I had an anti psychotic that stiffened my knees. I thought I was going to fall and break my neck, even then I went forward. It was all i could do. D had a bad shoulder. the doc gave an exercise to do. D bent over and swung his arm like a trunk. It seemed to work. I’m surprised he doesn’t call the healer that worked with C when she had cancer. He said that there was nothing there and in a sense he was right if you think reality as we know it doesn’t exist. He said my therapist was bitter and i can’t disagree with him. the therapist sat in his chair with his skinny legs spread open, his belt pushed above his navel, talking about the nuts he yet had to crack. D has to go see a doctor about his feet. I have to see a dentist. I have two molars that are cracked open. C was very serious about teeth. She had been brainwashed by the dentist. She was worried about heart disease and thought that bad teeth caused it. She like myself was a masochist. She never used novacaine. She was more scared of the possibility of pain than the pain itself. She had an unctuous lawyer. He talked about his mother taking cookies to the pedophiles in prison. D cant take Advil it doesn’t mix with the blood thinner. i take three Advil when i feel i’m going to get a headache that starts at the back of my neck. I wouldn’t make it through the week with out it. An elderly woman I met at a dinner with the in-laws said that she wasn’t taking aspirin, somehow it had become unhealthy to use it. She has had to acclimate to the pain.
I don’t drink coffee. I’ve replaced it with English Breakfast tea. I can’t handle the caffeine.
D rolls on chairs that have wheels from one side to the other side of the room. The floors aren’t as clean as they used to be. He doesn’t want them to be slippery.
I drink whisky. My face is coarse white hairs and blood. I whistle. Images of interiors, weather, distance and vulvas.